As our parents age, we may face new challenges as we take on the role of caregiver to the person who took care of us for so long. You might find yourself in this role after a parent’s sudden illness or injury, or perhaps you have noticed a gradual need for care as a parent becomes slowly less independent. As you assume this new role, you might have moments of frustration, sadness, or stress, but with knowledge, respect, love, and even a little humor, you may find that caring for your aging parents is a truly rewarding experience.
How do I know if my aging parents need additional care?
There are several signs you can look for as you determine the level of care needed for your aging parents. Have you noticed any changes in your parents’ behavior or in their activity level, both social and physical? Do they seem to be in good spirits, maintaining healthy routines, and taking good care of themselves? Have you noticed any physical changes, such as weight loss, difficulty in moving around their home?[1] Although an illness or injury may initiate your evaluation of a parent’s care, that isn’t always the case. Instead, you might just find a gradual need for care in one or more areas of your parent’s life.
What types of care should I provide for my aging parents?
Depending on your parent’s overall health, you may find that they might an aging benefit from your help in the following areas:[2]
- Financial assistance: Your parents may need guidance to determine the best financial decisions for their lifestyle and needs. These decisions may include understanding health benefits available through Medicare, managing their retirement funds, and protecting them from scams or fraud. It can also extend to housing decisions if your parents are unable to live on their own. Financial conversations can be very sensitive, and it is important to respect your parents’ decisions, while being mindful of any potential concerns.
- Daily care: Your parents may live independently, but might benefit from some additional care during their daily routines. Are they still driving or could they use assistance in getting places? It is important to make sure that they are eating healthy meals and managing any daily medications.
- Housing: Your parents may be able to live independently in their own homes, but might need some additional help to remain there long-term. There are options to consider if they are unable to do so, such as moving a loved one into your home, or choosing a senior living facility that meets their specific needs.
There are financial and emotional concerns in any of these decisions, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. According to USA TODAY, 41% of “baby boomers” who have a living parent are providing care for them, either financial help, personal care or both, and 8% of those polled say their parents have moved in with them.[3]
How can I help my parent deal with emotions they face at the loss of their independence?
Aging parents may have a mixture of emotions as they face a loss of independence for the first time. Although they might feel relief when you offer assistance, they may also feel anger, grief, fear, and guilt as time goes on. Sadness and depression are common effects of losing the ability to perform daily tasks and participate in the active lives they once lead. There are things you can do to help them adjust.[4]
- Keep communicating. Talk to your parents about their feelings, listen to their concerns, and be respectful of the emotions they are experiencing.
- Be patient. It takes time to make the adjustment for an aging parent who is being cared for by their grown children. The shift in this relationship alone is enough to cause heightened emotional responses, but changes in lifestyle and living arrangements will add to this stress.
- Take good care of yourself, as well as your parent. It is important as a caregiver to remember that you will only be helpful to your parent if you feel healthy, calm, and continue living a balanced life with outside activities and support. There are many resources for caregivers, and you should reach out to get the support you need. Click here for Caregiving Resources.
[1] “Aging parents: 5 warning signs of health problems;” Mayo Clinic staff
[3] “Becoming ‘parent of your parent’ an emotionally wrenching process;” Mindy Fetterman; USA TODAY; 2/1/2008; USATODAY.com
[4] “Emotional Challenges for Elderly Parents – How to Handle the Many Emotions of Aging Parents;” Melody Hicks; July 7, 2009; suite101.com